What's a girl got to do to get a date?

   Happy Monday dating monsters!!! Well another weekend has gone by and on date night I was home with a pizza and a movie, with my daughter.  I am not complaining, it was good times, good conversation and good food. All in all it was a great date, with my daughter. So when do I get to go on a date with a guy?

  Since being on Match, my stats tell me that I have been viewed 3,549 times, my photos have been liked 285 times, I have been winked at 1,523 times, I have been favorited 25 times, I have received 298 email messages, and I have gone on one date! Yup, one date. Only one guy had the courage to actually ask me on a date! While he was a gentlemen and nice enough there just wasn't anything there. Great dinner though. Thanks. Unbelievable. I have checked and rechecked my profile, I am always warm and courteous in my emails, I am encouraging and flirty, yet guys continually drop the ball.

  Out of the 200+ email I received less then half  had more than four words, "hi how are you?" Some of them just cut and pasted their profile! A few went into flowery prose about the beauty of my pictures. I am not a rude person and unless the email was really out there I made an effort to respond, even if to only say thank you, but I am not interested.  I know you are saying maybe I was being too picky. Perhaps I was, but aren't we all? The guys who I was interested in,  I responded. We sent a few emails back and forth and then poof they dropped back into the unknown. None of them could seal the deal.

  Are guys purposely being evasive? Why would you think that a comment about possibly meeting up at the county fair counts as asking  me out? Like I could find you in all the hundreds of people wandering around. Or how about the guy who wanted to know if I could just give him a call when I was in Columbus. Really, If I make plans to drive into the city (which is about 45 minutes away) I must already have plans, just not with you. Why? Because you big chicken you didn't make any with me!

   I don't want to have beg a guy to ask me out for a date, I don't want to have to pursue you and make sure you want to "hang out". Hey I am a lady, plus I wear heels and I am not about to run after anybody! You try running in heels. I don't think its asking a lot to expect a guy to call you, to make plans, and to follow through. I am sure this will upset the few women who think it is ok to make the first move, to plan a date, and make sure he shows up, but really where is the fun in that. So I guess the point of this is to let guys know that even in our overly politically correct world  it is o.k. to man up and ask a lady for a date.

No You Didnt!!! Seriously....

So on my love adventures I have met some interesting characters. Gotta love the internet. In my adventure I've run across a new phenomenon. One that leaves me slightly disturbed and slightly sickened. Let me tell you a story. Girl meets boy, girl and boy have lovely conversations, boy and girl send hundreds of texts in their quest to know one another. Boy sends girl picture of his penis. Yup not your typical fairy tale but one that unfortunately happens.

I was shocked, here was this guy, attractive, funny, not too much baggage everything is moving along nicely until he decides that he wants to spice up our conversation. What makes him think I want to see his penis? He has yet to take me on a date, yet I get an up close and personal view of his most private self. hmmmmm.
So of course after I was able to regain speech and delete the offending member I gave a call out to my girls thinking they would think it strange as well. Surprise, surprise they told me it was pretty normal. In fact they had run across guys who once they had access to their cell number proceeded to do the same. Really!

When did this memo go out? Who had the conference that all these guys secretly attended that says hey, you like a lady, show her your penis, she will love it!!! Guaranteed to get you a date, sext her whether you know her or not, it is so hot. Yeah, they were definitely smoking something. When did it become O.K. to expose yourself to a stranger. Isn't that illegal? Needless to say that I ceased and desisted all communications with him when he required a little quid pro quo. Sorry last time I checked I did not agree to become a amateur porn star.

So in all fairness, he had a nice penis, I just did not want to see it before I saw him sitting across from me at a dinner table on a date, hello timing. Not that I would necessarily want a picture of his penis in my phone or email anyway, I am just saying, really? It clearly states in my profile that I am a Christian, I want a long term relationship, nowhere does it say free sex pictures, I love sexting, or show me your penis. I know, I wrote it.

Next guy I meet, again lovely correspondence, quick with the wit, but I could never get a phone call. Just tons of texts so after my last encounter the B.S. antenna is up. So to be fair and not misjudge him I tell him straight out that I am interested in getting to know him however I would like it to remain PG for the time being. Of course He totally agreed, and our "conversations" continued. Since he is a few states over a first date was out of the question for now, but hey I am open to getting to know him. Then I get the text, "you are so sexy, send me a picture of your nipple." What!! How does becoming intimately aware of my nipple help you to get to know me? His response...."I thought we were moving forward? Getting to know each other? These conversations are getting too hard, it is supposed to be pleasurable. why are you being so difficult."

Exact words I kid you not. Since when did getting to know someone, someone you have never met in person, become a peep show? You don't even know what my voice sounds like, we have never shared a meal but you want me to share my body? Or at least images of my body. I am difficult because I have standards? I refuse to be someones peep show. My body is sacred and I don't share it with just anybody.

So where do you draw the line? What are the requirements for getting to know someone? I thought it was conversation,  a few dates, spending time getting to know each other vertically before you even begin to know them horizontally. When as women did it become O.K. for us to allow men to get to know our bodies while hoping that afterward they would take the time to know our minds? Well I am drawing my lines and they are not changing. So for all the texting men, the men who want quick intimacy, easy porn, and unlimited access your going to have to keep it moving.

Back in the Saddle.

     So the time has come to jump back in to the dating pool, get my feet wet, see what is out there, embark on a love journey, O.K.  I am totally running out of metaphors here. Let's just say I am ready for love. I am tired of meaningless flirtations, random relationships, undefined courtships, and unlicensed sex. It is time for a new chapter in my life. Love and possibly, no definitely marriage. I have reached the age of thirty something and I am ready to settle down. I may have made some mistakes in the past, but I am willing to learn from them and move forward into my happily ever after. But first some work. Since nothing that I have done in the  past has seemed to work I am going to seek some advice. Yup I am going to check out every book I can get my hands on and learn whatever I need to learn to get what I want! (Just so you know there are tons of books out there and you can read for the rest of your life!!! I don't have that kind of time, so I just read maybe 30 or so)

  Fast Forward to today, I have done all the soul searching, I have done the spiritual and mental work on myself, I have read the relationship books, wrote in the journals and even allowed Steve Harvey to advise me on how to think like a man. So now what? I have been told that my old way of doing things does not work, that is why I am single, I've been advised that pursuing a man is a no no and that the right man will pursue me, I have read about how to dress, how to think, what to expect, what to do, what to avoid, blah blah blah blah blah to infinity. I am ready to go. Let's do this! This should be easy, I did my research, turned in my homework, got a clean bill of health, and my diploma, I am now officially ready to jump into the thick of things. Of course just because I am ready, there seem to be no eligible men to be found what is a girl to do?

That is right, I am a thirty something, single mom living in a small town where they majority of men are already married, and those that are not are too young, too criminal, too many "baby momma's" or just too not what I want. What to do? Never fear. We live in the age of the internet, you can find almost anything at anytime, anywhere. So I signed up for three months on Match. Why? Honestly my besties had all tried it out and they are in loving, beautiful relationships. So I can do it too. This sounds like a commercial, but I am serious, at least I was serious until I saw that the thousands of men available to you when you live in a city, turns to hundreds, less than a hundred, a handful really of guys when you live in the country.

It is not like I can just up and move so I am going to have to work with what I got. This should be fun.