Liars, Connivers, and Other Foul Creatures

Hello monsters, I know it has been a minute. I have been floating in a haze of new love and butterfly feelings. But enough about me, your probably wondering about the title, don't panic, I am good, but in the midst of my haze a friend's situation popped my love bubble, so now it is time to get back to work. Today, monsters, we are going to talk about the ugly side of dating. If any of you are like me, you have seen enough of the ugly side to think its the only side, it is not. Really, It's not.

On your incredible journey to find love, you my friend are gonna run across some frogs, better yet toads. Most of the guys you meet, are good guys, just not the guy for you. We can usually leave these guys where we found them in the hopes that another girl will come along and find him perfect for her needs. Kind of like shoe shopping. Actually it is exactly like shoe shopping. (forget the frogs) You will find some that are too big, too small, too last year, too expensive, too cheap, too high, not high enough etc. (yes I love shoes, I love them a lot) For the most part the ones you don't like you just leave on the shelf, then there are the ones that need a closer look, you take them off the shelf, you try them on, you check yourself out and they look good on you. They are perfect, almost. The might pinch a bit, be out of your price range, not fit right, squeak when you walk, or there could just be something not quite right about it. You really want these shoes, really really bad, a small voice tells you "don't do it!!! They are going to hurt your feet". Of course, monster, you don't listen, you buy them anyway. The guys we are going to talk about are like those shoes. They seem right, we love the way they look, they look good, feel kinda good, they are mostly perfect, until they aren't.


    You know exactly what I am talking about, you meet the guy (not the shoe, keep up monster) you like the guy, you date the guy, you get comfortable with the guy, you take him home and let him lounge on your couch, you might even give him a cookie or two. He is semi perfect. You like the same things, you enjoy each other's company, you laugh, you have so much fun, you do a lot of ummmmm baking. perfect right? Until it is not. Sometimes, you swear he told you something different last week when he was late meeting you. He always keeps his phone on him, even when he showers. He disappears for chunks of time with no explanation. Something feels off but you can't really figure out what it is. It just is. He gets defensive when you ask him things, he doesn't call when he says he will, you are going out less and less and staying in more and more. Something is going on, monster, something shady. This is the ill fitting shoe, the one that rubs and pinches, the one that will leave a blister or hurt your feet.

Or better yet nothing is going on. You are totally unaware of anything wrong in your budding relationship. You spend tons of time together, you text, you email, you are having a ball. Until your not. Your calls start going to voice mail, plans are cancelled, and your sitting on the couch alone waiting for a call that may never come.  You are blissfully unaware of anything until one day you find yourself going about your business and the heel brakes off. (shoe, monster, shoe)  Or you twist your ankle, or the bottom starts to come off your shoe, or it starts to squeak, who know its annoying but you never see it coming, until you land on your butt and your holding a shoe you never should have bought. Are you confused yet, yeah monster this type of guy is confusing, thus so is the paragraph.

     These are the guys all your love books, movies, and friends warn you about.They are the liar and the conniver.  The liar. This guy lies about everything, but he is so good at it you can't help but believe him. He lets you down on occasion but makes up for it spectacularly. He lies by omission at times, not really lying but not really telling the truth either. He exaggerates about his life, his work, his family. He lies about the things he has done. He lies about the things he plans to do. He always has an excuse as to why things are not working out for him.  Whether he tells small lies or big ones, in the end his lies will find him out.

   Then there is the conniver. This one  is tricky. He doesn't lie per say, but his life with you is a lie. He is doing and saying all the right things but he is only playing a role, a role you desired. He wants what you want, he likes what you like, he will even go so far as to infer a future with the two of you riding off into the sunset. Personally I think he is the worse of the two. You don't see him coming. He is good. You are planning a future, he is planning an exit. Usually this guy  will continue with the lie until called out by a third party, usually the other girl he is role playing with, or he will disappear. Don't send out a search party, let him go. He is the shoe you bought with the too high heel that breaks on you right at your cutest. Don't fix it, throw it away.

On your journey to find love you are going to come across these guys, the liars, the connivers, the ones who disappear. I am sorry monster if you have experienced them. The good news is that they are not any type of reflection on you. Yes, you may have had some bad judgement, yes you knew something was not quite right, but in no way should you let these guys detour you from your journey. They are just speed bumps along the way. The thing about speed bumps is that they are annoying, they remind you to slow down and pay attention, and they may cause some superficial damage, but they are just a bump. They are not an obstacle, they will not and cannot stop you and as soon as you get over them you forget about them.
You may hit a speed bump monster, but its not the end of the road.


Find your love, monster, find your love

Kissing a frog, finding a prince and other fairy tale endings

     Happy Monday monsters. When I started this blog it was supposed to be about my personal search for love, my adventures if you will. But like all things the blog has evolved into a dating manual, not only for me but for all my sisters in the midst of their own adventures. In my last post I alluded to a new love so I guess I will have to dish about that so here we go....

     Let's be honest anyone who has tried internet dating, know that it is a scary place to be! Who is real and who is not, what about all the old pictures and misrepresentation, let's not even get into all the angry disillusioned people online who sour the cheery optimistic ones! ( I ran across a few of them, ladies whatever you do stay away from these guys) I could go on all day about all the frogs a poor princess will have to pucker up for to find a prince. The reality is you will meet more people then you would without it, you just have to keep your sense of humor about it and keep it moving.

     Enough of that nobody cares about all the weird guys, the old men, or the half naked jersey shore guys I had to fend off to find my prince. The truth is I was just about to cancel my membership and drink some bitter grape juice when a random note was dropped in my box. I must admit I ignored it. In fact I laughed at it. The  guy had stated that he was in Cleveland on business and would love to get together while he was in town. Yeah sounded sketchy to me too, internet booty call anybody? Needless to say he went straight to trash, after  I checked out all his pictures and scanned his profile.
 ( I never said I wasn't shallow)

   Lucky for me this particular frog was rather persistent and redeemed himself with a witty and engaging email so me being the open minded gal that I am gave him my facebook address and opened up the door to future conversations. (I am such a sweetheart) From there I watched as he made witty statements, liked all my inane chatter, and read all my blogs, gotta love a guy that reads your chatter! (I love you guys for reading my chatter.) Fast forward this blog is getting long, since he is an unfortunate resident of St.Louis (everybody from Chicago laughs at St.Louis) a lot of our time was spent texting, calling and skyping. The cool thing about long distance match ups is you really have to talk.  Without the physical distraction you get a chance to dig deep into who the person is, their character, their thoughts, dreams, and ideals. Lucky for him he was easy to talk to, he made me laugh and I enjoyed his voice. (did I mention I was shallow?) This went on for about 2 -3 months, hey ladies got to be cautious, before he planned a trip out to my remote part of the world for our first date. Let me tell you it was worth the wait!! But that monster is a blog for another day....

Find your love monsters, find your love.